A comedy of Errors
by sev-and-darth
Summary: Hermione finally accepts a teaching post at Hogwarts, but to what cost? Sevmione eventually, after a lot of angsting around. Reviews are my food source! Rated M for eventual later chapters...
1. Chapter 1: In the beginning

**So, this is supposed to be a Hermione-Severus fic, a tragic comedy that might take some time to get tragic and probably won't be all that funny... Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Love, Sev-and-Darth.**

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****So, this was it. Her first day! Hermione was bursting with excitement as she pushed past the heavy metal gates, and looked up the narrow, winding road to Hogwarts. Her heart aflutter, she took her first step up the drive, perched tediously on the hill, with a steep drop to the left side, her little suitcase trundling along behind her, leaving behind a life of stress, leaving behind the ministry, leaving Ron, and coming closer and closer to teaching.

It was the year two thousand and two, and Hermione was looking forwards to a new, fresh start. At the age of twenty-three, Hermione had had enough. Had enough of Ron and his antics, had enough of the ministry doing nothing, had enough of everything. And so, she had taken up Mcgonagall's kind offer and accepted the Defence against the Dark arts post at Hogwarts.

As she walked up the steep, winding track, she wondered whether she had made the right decision... Hadn't DADA been her worst subject at school? After divination, of course. She tossed her head back. If anybody knew about the dark arts, it was her. She had been on the run from Voldemort, for God's sake! And it wasn't like she was twelve anymore... Shaking her head, she heard a distant voice calling her name. Looking up, she caught sight of Mcgonagall, on the steps leading into the great hall. She waved, and picked up pace, pulling the suitcase up the difficult slope. As she did so, she felt a drop of rain land on the end of her nose.  
"Just my luck!" She muttered to herself. But even as she said so, the wheel of her suitcase caught on a root snaking over the path. Hermione, not knowing this, went on walking, and as the suitcase snapped to a stop, she fell over, and started tumbling down the hill on the left side of the path. She shrieked, and tried to cling onto the suitcase, though only succeeded in pulling the lid open and spilling its contents down the hillside with her. As if the luck wasn't the only thing against her, the rain started pouring down viciously, and the wind whipped at her hair as she continued to roll down the hill, screaming and screeching, until it all came to a very abrupt halt.  
"Miss Granger, what the devil do you think you are doing?!" Came a smooth, slightly shocked, very angry voice.  
Hermione looked up from her spot on the ground to see a furious looking Snape glowering down at her.  
"P-Prosfessor!" She squeaked.  
"I would have thought my identity obvious, miss Granger. Now get off the ground this instant!" Hermione stood up immediately. Snape hadn't changed very much at all, he was still in his black, swishy robes, still bearing the same furious scowl, and still glaring at her with a look of complete hatred. The only thing that had changed it seemed, were the faint scars above the neck of his robes. Hermione gulped. She remembered those scars all too well...

* * *

_(Flashback)_

_It was dark in the Shrieking Shack, and the blood pooling from Snape's neck was darker still.  
"Look at me," he demanded of Harry, his pale, long-fingered hand clutching at Harry's sleeve. The green eyes met the black, but after a moment something faded in the black, and the hand at Harry's sleeve dropped with a thud.  
"No!" Hermione cried, pushing Harry out of the way.  
"Accio! Accio, Accio!" A small vial flew into her hand from the beaded bag she was holding. Hands shaking, she uncorked it, and drizzled the amber coloured liquid onto the wound at his through. Bubbles appeared, and the liquid started to work at his skin, reforming it, fixing it. As soon as there was a thin layer of skin covering the wound, she pulled out her wand again.  
"Mobilicorpus" She whispered, and carefully started guiding him down the tunnel.  
"Hermione!" Cried Ron. "Where do you think you're going?!"  
"To the Hospital wing!" She shouted back, the anger in her voice apparent. "Did you think I was just going to leave him to die!?"_

* * *

Hermione and Severus had not seen each other since that day.  
"What are you doing here, Granger?" Snapped Severus. She looked up at him, lost for words.  
"She has taken the defence against the dark arts position, Severus." Said Mcgonagall. Both turned to look at her. Neither had noticed her arrival, seriously, the woman could rival Dumbledore with her talent for popping up unexpectedly.  
"WHAT!" Barked Snape. "YOU SAID THE POST WAS TO BE TAKEN BY A MASTER IN THE FIELD! YOU SAID THAT THEY WOULD BE EVEN BETTER THAN ME! AND YOU PRESENT **HER**!?"  
"Calm down Severus, I had to tell you something, didn't I? We both know you are not suited to the role!"  
"WHAT?!" He screeched. And with that, he turned tail and left.  
"Sorry about that, deary." Said Mcgonagall to a shell-shocked Hermione. "It's terrible to get on his bad side so early in the year, but I'm sure you'll get on quite well. After all, you are going to be seeing quite a lot of each other."  
"Oh I doubt that, Professor. I'm going to be staying as far away from him as possible." She muttered.  
"But, Hermione, that will be quite impossible, as you already know. I'm dreadfully sorry about the arrangement, but you'll have to put up with it for the rest of the year..." She trailed off, looking at Hermione apologetically.  
"What? I'm sorry professor, I don't know what you're talking about," said Hermione.  
"But you must, dear. I sent you a note."  
"I'm sorry professor, but I didn't receive a note," said Hermione uncertainly. "Is something wrong?" Mcgonagall looked very worried all of a sudden.  
"Oh dear. Oh deary me. Oh Hermione, I hadn't meant to have to tell you this face to face, but for this year, due to the rebuild, you will have to share a room with Severus..."

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**So there you go! First chapter! Shabouyeah! I hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to review! Oh, and here's a sneaky treat for the next chapter... Severus doesn't know yet! Sneaky Minerva!**


	2. Chapter 2: Here we go

**Oh, forgot to mention this last time, all of this belongs to J.K. Rowling, of _course_ I don't own it. If I owned it, things would be different... (You don't really want to know...)**

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Hermione was in a state of shock.  
"I have to WHAT?!" She shrieked.  
"Oh dear, I'm so terribly sorry" Said Mcgonagall. "You see, when we rebuilt Hogwarts, after the war, something went wrong with the room generator, and now we are faced with a somewhat problematic issue of not having enough room for everyone..."  
"But what about the old DADA quarters?" Demanded Hermione. "Why can't I live there?"  
"Well, you see dear, that area was very badly damaged, and so we reinvented the whole space..." Hermione sat down with a thump. Looking pleadingly up at Mcgonagall she asked:  
"Are you sure there aren't any other rooms? Can't I stay with a different Professor?"  
"I'm sorry Hermione, but none of the other Professors wanted to share their quarters." She replied grimly.  
"And Snape did?" Said Hermione incredulously.  
"Well, it's not so much that he said yes, more that we haven't exactly asked him yet..."  
"WHAT?!" Exclaimed Hermione, standing up to face Mcgonagall.  
"Listen Hermione, we all drew straws, and Filius drew one for you, and, well, it was the short one..."  
"You trusted Filius to do that?! He's the charms master for gods sake!" Hermione screeched. "He must have cheated!"  
"Hermione, I assure you that Filius would do no such thing!" Said Mcgonagall haughtily. "I astonished that you would presume to think something like that of him!" Hermione just stared at Mcgonagall.  
"You expect me to _share_ my quarters with Snape!?"  
"Professor Snape, dear."  
"I think we're well beyond 'professor' here Minerva! The man hates me!"  
"How could he hate you Hermione? You saved his life!" Hermione swung away, her head in her hands. After a second she turned back to Mcgonagall.  
"He _wanted _to die, Minerva! I was an idiot to save him, he would be so much happier _dead_!"  
"Hermione! How could you say such a thing?!" Minerva looked outraged. At this Hermione collapsed.  
"Minerva, I can't do this! I can't live with him! He hates my guts! He despises me! Why can't somebody else live with him!?"  
"Hermione Granger, I have never heard you say you can't do something, and I never want to hear you say it again. Now get up, and go tell Severus." Hermione glared at Mcgonagall, but she didn't move. Groaning, she stood up, shaking her head.  
"I don't know why I'm doing this," she muttered to herself. "I do not know why."  
"Good girl." Said Mcgonagall. "Now off you go!"

Hermione took one last look at Minerva before trudging off up the slope, her empty suitcase behind her, meandering as she picked up her fallen possessions. When she reached the path, she took one last look down at Mcgonagal with pleading eyes, but Minerva just crossed her arms and refused to look at her. Sighing, she picked up the suitcase, not bothering to zip it up. And with that, she continued to follow the precarious path up to the castle.

* * *

Severus was in his study when he heard the pounding knocks on his door. he groaned inwardly, perhaps if he was quiet, they would go away and-  
"Hello? Are you there professor?" Came a voice from behind the door. Damn! It was Granger again.  
"What did I do to deserve this?" He muttered to himself. "One encounter with that insufferable girl is enough, but two! I'm too old for this!" Still muttering to himself, he made his way over to the door and grudgingly let it open. 'Time to act like a Grinch', he thought to himself.  
"What, may I ask, are you doing here, Miss Granger?" He hissed. She looked like she had just swallowed her own tongue. He made a mental note to smirk about that later.  
"I, I-" Hermione stuttered, her eyes as wide as saucers.  
"Spit it out, woman!" He snarled. Hermione took a step back, trying to move away from his intimidating form. Her feet got mixed up, and even as she fell his arm shot out to save her.  
"Miss Granger!" He cried, and she grabbed at his hand, but she was too far gone. With a thud, they were both on the ground.  
Hermione looked horrified.  
"I- I have to," She stuttered. Severus glared at her, and she gulped. "I have to share a room with you."

For once in his life, the great Severus Snape was speechless.

* * *

Much to her surprise, Hermione was still breathing. And to add to her surprise, she was sitting in Severus' quarters, drinking a cup of tea, while Severus paced back and forth in front of her.  
"Damn that meddlesome which!" He exclaimed. Hermione buried her face in the teacup, not wanting to attract his attention.  
"Does she think I need company or something? I'm perfectly fine on my own! It's not like I'm on my last legs! I actually happen to be at the peak of physical health! I'm only forty-two!" It was at this that he finally took notice of Hermione.  
"Are you sure there aren't any other rooms you could stay in? Are you certain you discussed all other options?" He demanded of her. Hermione looked up at him.  
"Believe me, I tried to make her change her mind, but she's as stubborn as Dumbledore!" Snape finally stopped pacing and sighed.  
"Well Miss Granger, it looks like we're stuck together..."

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**YAY! I UPDATED! God, finally! any who, hope you enjoyed, and people! Review! They are scientifically proven to lengthen your life! And they also encourage faster updates! Please!**

**Next chapter: The first night in paradise... And a sneaky hint for the future, Halloween will be a time for drama... I will say no more!**  
**(Oh, BTW, Halloween won't be for ages, maybe two or three chapters? It seems like ages to me!)**


	3. Chapter 3: First Night in Paradise

**All of this belongs to J.K. Rowling, of _course_ I don't own it. If I owned it, things would be different... Oh, and thanks to the guest who reviewed for me! I try to get back to everyone, but I couldn't get to you! Anyway, here ya go, ****chickadees...**

It was cold.

Freezing, in fact.  
And he refused to turn the heating up.

"Why not?" I demanded of him, but he simply waved his hand and looked away.

"If you're too cold, put some more layers on." He looked back to the book he had in his lap. God, I hated that book. I don't think I'd ever hated a book before, but if he liked it, I sure as hell didn't.

"I don't want to put more layers on." I said with a pout. I saw the smirk build on his face, even though he didn't raise his head.  
"Well I guess you're going to be cold then."

After an hour or so of glaring at him, a sudden thought struck me.

"Um, Sn- I mean, Professor?" I piped up. He glanced at me, annoyed at being distracted from his book.

"What?" His voice was so menacing I almost swallowed my tongue. Gulping, I hastened to reply.

"I was just wondering where I'd be sleeping, because as far as I can see there are only two or three-" He cut me off abruptly.

"There are five rooms in this apartment; my room, an ensuit, my study, the kitchen, and this, the living. I cannot be altered because of the renovations going on elsewhere in the castle, so you will have sleep on the couch. As you can see though, I have no couch," he gestured to the dark leather of the armchair in which I was seated. "So you may transfigure the armchair to a bed for the time that you will be here."  
He stood and turned to walk away, but I stood and grabbed at his hand.

"You expect me to sleep on a transfigured couch in the middle of you living room for the rest of the _year_?" I asked him. He looked at me as if I was stupid.

"No, Miss Granger, I expect you to sleep on a transfigured bed in the middle of my living room until I can get you out of here, which I assure you will be _very_ soon." He spat. I looked at him, my mouth agape, and boiling with anger.

"What makes you think I will get out of here so quickly, Snape?"

"Did you not just say yourself that you didn't want to stay here 'in the middle of my living room', as you put it?"

"Of course I don't! But where else am I supposed to go, hmm? In a tent in the forbidden forest? Or maybe in Hagrid's cabin! Actually, why the hell not! Anything would be better than here!" I screeched.

He looked down his long, hooked nose at me.  
"Be that as it may, Miss Granger, nobody is forcing you to stay here." He walked over to the door and opened it.  
"If you want to go live with dear Rubeus, feel free..." He quirked one eyebrow at me, "Well?"

Oh, that man... He was clever, but, by god he was a pain in the arse... Screwing up my face, I swallowed my pride.

"Fine then. I'll stay."

And with that, he was gone, out the door in a swirl of black robes...

* * *

As the already dim lighting of the dungeons began to fade, signalling the ending of the day. There had been very little to do down here all day, except stare out the windows looking for the giant squid, and to read and re read the letter that Professor Mcgonigal had sent me:

_Hermione_

_I have heard of your recent split with Ronald, and of your resignation from the ministry. I was sorry to hear about it, yet __gladdened, as I know that you both deserve want better. You always were too good for that boy._

_I would like to remind you that the offer I made to you after the war still stands, and if you should ever want a teaching position at Hogwarts, there will be one ready for you._

_Yours faithfully,_

_Minerva Mcgonigal._

After reading this trough for the fifth time, I screwed it up into a ball and threw it into the fire. The sight of the paper curling set off an uneasy feeling in my stomach, but I dismissed the uncomforted.

_'If you should ever want a teaching position at Hogwarts, there will be one ready for you'_ I thought to myself... Pfft. As far as I knew, a teaching position usually came with a room...

I slumped back into the armchair, and raising my hand lazily, I performed the easiest transfiguration spell I could come up with.  
I felt my legs lift off the ground, as my back slid and was laid down, and I lay there, not all that content, but tiered enough not to care...

When I awoke, it was to the sound of banging pots and pans, and I immediately thought of the Burrow. Grumbling lightly, my eyes still closed, I reached across the bed to give Ron his usual morning kiss, but found the bed empty.  
Confused, I opened my eyes and whipped around to find-

"Gahh!"

A familiar face peered into my field of vision, and a leapt back. This face didn't belong to a Weasly, it belonged to-

Oh. Here it all was. Flooding back to me.  
It was Snape.

"I thought you were going to stay in bed all day," he said, looking down at me haughtily.

I frumped angrily, pissed at being so rudely awaked. It was alright for him, the old, greasy bat of the dungeons, but this was my first night here, and I had been living with the Weaslys for the last few years!

But he only smirked, which made me even more pissed.  
"If you're going to act like a two year old, I wont give you breakfast." He said lightly.

Now that got my attention. I was used to big, hearty breakfasts at the Burrow, and I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday.  
To say that I was simply hungry was an understatement.

I looked at him with massive eyes.  
"You made me breakfast?" I asked.

He nodded.  
"Of course I did." He said, leaning in closer. "But it's your turn tomorrow."

I dont think I'd ever been this close to him before, his face poised in front of mine so closely our noses almost touched.  
I gulped as a moment passed.

Then he smirked.

"I hope you like grapefruit," He said as he walked away, a smile in his voice. I stared after him, astounded.

After a second he poked his head back around the kitchen door.

"Oh, and a package came for you." he said, nudging a large object around the corner.  
"Make sur he doesn't leave hair everywhere."

I got up and ran over to the package, opening to top. It was Crookshanks' travelling box, and a very develished looking Crooks burst out the top. He mewed at me angrily. realised in horror that I had left him at the Burrow.

"Crookshanks! I forgot you!" I grabbed him and held him close, even as he tried to wriggle away, and go explore his new surroundings.

There was a letter addressed to me on the side of the box, in Harry's hand. I picked it up, and struggled to open it while Crooks wriggled about.

Little did I know, that just out of my sight, a man with greasy hair was smiling gently as he watched me.

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**Yay! A new chapter! Anyway guys, reviews please! Shower them upon me!**

**Also, did I drag out the ending in this chapter a bit too much? Is anyone too OOC? The more reviews I get, the better this story will be!**

**Love ya!**


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